Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:woohoo:
 

While No One Was Watching by *cyre:iconcyre:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Mature Romance > Fixed


While No One Was Watching



While no one was watching...
I sowed a seed of hope for us.
I planted it firmly and prayed it would take root.
I just never expected to water it with my tears
Or kill it with my fears.

While no one was watching...
I tore down the walls around my heart.
I demolished them into bits of rock and dust.
I just never expected to need them back
Or realize the strength I lack.

While no one was watching...
I cried myself to sleep.
I let all my tears just flow.
I just never expected to feel so damn weak
Or know its your love that I seek.

While no one was watching...
I died a little inside.
I felt that piece of me slipping from reach.
I just never expected anyone would know
Or that you'd actually go...

...away...

...while no one was watching...
©2008-2009 *cyre
:iconcyre:

Author's Comments

Yay! I love this piece! This is an amazing poem, in my opinion!

No, I'm not in the emotional state that this piece is in.

I'm actually happy and doing well...so...please, don't believe I'm all torn up.

Please tell me your opinions!!!

Critiques


Thank you for your Critique

You are not logged in.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 1 1 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconlouiseodier:
=LouiseOdier Oct 15, 2008, 4:14:07 PM
I love it too, Hun :)

--
If you love, love without reservation. If you fight, fight without fear. :)

=Palestine-Club
=No-More-Ignorance
:iconazntwinz2:
Mood: Sympathy ~Azntwinz2 Oct 15, 2008, 6:31:41 PM
i like it, its very sincere and sad
:iconcyre:
*cyre Oct 15, 2008, 6:57:58 PM
Hey thanks!

--
"To Dream by Day is to be cognizant of many things which escape those who merely dream by night"
-Poe
:iconninthefragile:
~NINTheFragile Oct 15, 2008, 7:09:13 PM
wow stunning.... this is the best thing I have read in a long while. This reaches a extent of analogy that I have been wishing to achieve as I did such a long time ago but unable to be inspired. It is encouraging to see such a great piece of ART and it does in fact inspire me and gives me hope for creativity.

great work!!!

--
"Feel the breath slip away from the lung and let life fly away on its broken wings"
-NINTheFragile-
:iconeyeceeu20:
~EyeCeeU20 Oct 15, 2008, 7:31:09 PM
This is a wonderful poem. Really captures the feelings a person goes through.
:icondarkignis:
~DarkIgnis Oct 15, 2008, 9:14:11 PM
Well now this is wonderful...
It touched my heart and pulled at my strings enough to see a tear... its rare for me to find a piece that moves me so much on here..

you M'dear are a wonderful writer! keep up the good work ^_^

DarkIgnis~

--
(\__/)
(+'.'+)
(")_(")
This is Fuffykins
he will eat you in disturbing places
O.o do not anger him!
I LOVE YOU NOTHING!
:iconchrysromeo:
~chrysromeo Oct 15, 2008, 11:06:24 PM
it's a beautiful poem, very poetic images... I like the metaphoric vision of it

--
create something good and you have sunshine... feel sunshine and you find love... if you have love you have infinity :sun:
:iconcholie:
*cholie Oct 17, 2008, 9:18:08 AM
"No, I'm not in the emotional state that this piece is in.

I'm actually happy and doing well...so...please, don't believe I'm all torn up." I know what you mean, on several occasions I've written poems that did not reflect how I felt at the moment they were written.

With that said--I think you wrote this poem very well, it has a nice flow and again you've expressed emotions skillfully. I also like how you incorporated rhyme into it as well. However I think this poem would be stronger if you ended it like this:

"Or that you'd actually go...

...while no one was watching..."

I think "away" kind of breaks the flow--other than that yet another awesome poem from you. :clap:

--
:love: Member of... :heart:

~HogWild & *Maximum-Ride-Fans

WARNING: This person is prone to the over-usage of emoticons!

;P :XD: :giggle: :D ;) :heart: :love: :w00t: :dance: :boogie: :hug:
:iconcyre:
*cyre Oct 18, 2008, 11:17:10 PM
Thank you muchly. I really really adore this piece for many different reasons

--
"To Dream by Day is to be cognizant of many things which escape those who merely dream by night"
-Poe
Previous Page123Next Page

Details

October 15, 2008
1.0 KB

Statistics

21
11 [who?]
135 (0 today)
0 (0 today)

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy